Well, you know best how to spend your valuable time, and valuable it is indeed. At least that’s what I have come to realise during the last month when life (or actually my own actions on the rebound … karma, I guess) kicked my head in. What, you are still here?! All right, then I suppose I am happy about you being part of this. Damn, who doesn’t want to share some experiences now and then, and at least when you are about to cross the threshold into the gray lands of total boredom you just switch off and walk away. Like in a romantic affair that’s gone sour … but that is another story.
(From Trees Can Be the Best Friends of All)
Hmmm, the point is … native now! was a romantic love affair at the beginning. The concept of what I thought to understand about “the native” released an avalanche of emotions. I thought I had found the “philosopher’s stone”, the cure to not only my psychological ailments but also those of scores of people I encountered. Loneliness and the sense of having been abandoned on this planet seemed to vanish in light of the discovery that I was a native.
Yes, a native born on this planet, made of the same stuff like everybody and, therefore, connected to everything in the most intimate manner. Related to all. And if you ask me if I still believe that, I say: Yes! And if you ask me if I believe that this realisation helps to overcome things like crippling addictions, deep aggressions, and all aspects of loss, then I say: Yes! And if you ask me if I am able to live that truly on a daily basis being able to pass it on (because life is about passing on, sharing itself … or what else?), then I say: I keep trying.
The deepest gratitude goes to all who have assisted me in my struggle. Those are my friends (“friendship” in my world is the term for sharing without expectations, just a tiny word for a world of meaning), and I hope they can feel it.
Amongst those are reds, whites, yellows, browns and blacks and all the shades in between. Amongst my friends are animals, minerals, most certainly plants, and much that is unseen. The differences between them are plenty, mainly concerning modes of communication. But there is no difference in the right of each to exist, right now and as long as creation allows.
So, NativeNow! is still a love affair but well beyond the romantic stage because what it stands for in my heart, mind, and soul is being attacked constantly, and I think I don’t need to expand on what is meant by that. You might have gathered so far that this is all very personal … great, that’s exactly what it is because I know zero about most stuff I encounter – just feel my way around this life and am happy if there are other natives joining in for a while. Sharing.
This diary runs under the heading of NativeNow! theatre, and as “theatre” in its Greek origin means: “to see” (I believe it is more accurately translated with: to see/ to realise … but that might be my wishful thinking) … all I like to do is: see, hear, touch … and share.
Well, I will skip around time and space in the hope that you enjoy some of it. By the way, I am typing this into Blackhorse’s computer; we have been on the Rez now for the second day.
Day 15, 16-06-09
Dry, bone dry. As it is the winter dry season now, there would actually be nothing to worry about. But when we passed the San Francisco Peaks towering over Flagstaff Arizona, we had to make our way through ice and snow. Take I 17 north out of Phoenix, or the old 66 if you have the time. I did the run once all the way from LA in … Well, a really good time in a really fast car. There are very few cops if you’re lucky between late night and the earliest morning hours. That kind of stuff is certainly silly infantile behaviour …
Still, I am looking forward to doing the run on my Kawa Zephyr … the adrenaline … hmmm, just keep in the middle of the road, gives you a second more reaction time when a coyote crosses … no, just a joke, kids… There was not a powder line of snow up there, and that’s the first time in the nine years I’ve been coming out here. Bone dry all the way up to Shiprock, via Gallup this time. Let’s wait and see, but I fear there’s another dusty summer coming, and I remember with dread the dead sheep, the wildfires, the desperation of the Navajos losing their livestock (and it hits the traditionalists the worst …).
Hey, it’s the changes and eventually, even the last idiot realises that we’re nothing but specks of dust on mother’s skin. I don’t mind, change is good, and when the big culling comes, there will be more space for natives again. Go nature, go, go – clean the mother******* up. (And if anyone says that speed freaks like myself are responsible because of their lust for petrol I say: in a single military exercise anywhere in the world there is more gas wasted than if all fools ride around on wheels for the rest of eternity … and, I am willing to give it up …).
Well, someone built an engine that has enough juice to push my balls into the belly that runs on air, or whatever – we are clever enough as a race to combine fun with responsibility, aren’t we? Hey, a return to horse riding would be great, I actually prefer it and the experience is even cooler, but in the mad rush of earning your bread today, you’d starve, and the horse as well …).
Snowball has gone deaf. But he came running to me, his old bones shaking, his stump of a tail wagging. When I fed him this morning at sunrise, some tears wanted to well up, but he smiled his friendliest doggy smile, and chased the rest of the pack (Ears, Spotty and a mix of multi-breed Rezrascals) from his bowl, growling like the top dog he is.
The dogs are not allowed in the house, they live their own life. But you should watch them herd sheep … true art, true intelligence. Snowball is related to me through medicine, he is my soul mate and has shared much. But that’s between us, close and personal.
Anyway, Ears came up to me yesterday and “shook paws”. He’s a mean one; a fighter with one ear bitten off, and right now his nose is scarred badly. Blackhorse says he got into a love thing with a bitch. She obviously didn’t just lie down … Ears came because he’s got something to share; he’ll take Snowball’s place, I think. And Snowball will eventually travel onwards to wherever – like all of us dogs and bitches. Move on. That’s it.
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