Filter of Love

The mixed up parts

There is always a point in a relationship between two people when someone feels separated from the other part. It could be a parents-child relationship, could be a love affair, could be a friendship, could be a work partnership; most of us have passed through this at least once in our life.

This doesn’t mean that something is over, it is only the moment which puts our relationship to the test to see if we can match. If there is something to improve, it means that one part thinks one thing and the other part something else. If the relationship is unbalanced, it is because the two people are on different levels, so how can they re-balance the relationship?

The right thing to do would be to enter the other person’s level, which sounds easier on paper. However, in reality, this is difficult to put into practice because in everyday life, as humans, the most common mistake we make is that we tend to judge the other person. From a more materialistic point of view, the difficulty comes from the fact that I have to relinquish my personal vision of things, my personality.

When a challenging moment arises, I should try to put myself on someone else’s level, not by renouncing who I am, but by giving the person I love an opportunity to reflect. So I move onto his wavelength and my attitude bewilders him and the rigidity, which the other person had, disappears.

My new behaviour causes a break in the other’s usual habits and leads them to reflect on the reasons for the estrangement rather than to focus on the way to repair the relationship. Also being on his level brings the other to reflect that in this moment I am not focusing on myself but on the other of me. It would be a wrong presumption if I impose my thoughts, my points of view, my opinions in this situation.

The person who reflects should do so considering himself out of sync but it is difficult for someone in this condition to realise this. People hardly have a critical sense of themselves. This person is barely able to recognize that something is wrong in his behaviour, in fact he considers himself in perfect sync.

Seeing the change in me will give him the opportunity to think. In this process, if I also engage in self-examination, I can find that I too could improve some aspects of myself. So the advice is: to put ourselves in harmony with the mixed up parts. Love must be mutual, must be on the same wavelength to work.

It is not wise to assume that I can change someone because I cannot!

It doesn’t matter how much I want it, how much effort I put into it, it will not work. I can only improve myself, hoping then that, by changing myself, this will inspire the other person to do the same, but not in a commanding manner, but by using kindness and love.

Ultimately, I must not reflect on something that is not in full harmony with my way of thinking, otherwise my self-examination will not have great value. I should be bold enough to bring the other person to reflect on his mixed up parts up because it is only there that reconciliation can take place. The time that I spend on looking for a solution considering my point of view only is wasted time. In this process we inevitably give up on something in order to reach a compromise.

When I have to deal with this kind of situation, I also always keep in mind to put a filter between me and the other person, a filter made of love.

This is something precious that I have been taught and that always leads me to go beyond words, actions and misunderstandings.

When I really care about someone and we go through a tough moment, I always remember to put this filter of love between us. When I do, it doesn’t matter how the other part reacts, because, in that moment, what counts the most is the love I feel in my heart for the person I have in front of me.

Credits

Image Title Author License
The mixed up parts The mixed up parts Bianca Traxler CC BY-SA 4.0