Anger

A few years ago, I discovered that someone who I thought was a friend actually wasn’t. This is the kind of situation in which basically everyone can relate to …

Women, compared to men, bond in a different way; we build a sort of sisterhood in which we truly trust one another.

I’m not here to tell you a story about how much I’ve been hurt by my friend’s behavior, because that isn’t the important part of the story. I felt bad for many days, constantly asking myself:

Why? Why did she do it?

So many “why”s. So I thought for four to five days, trying to hold back my feelings, my emotional state but nothing worked.

After more or less ten days, one night I had a dream. I was inside a car, traveling through green countryside, I could see mountains all around. I was with two guys, close friends of mine, they were taking me somewhere. We drove for a while, then the car stopped and the two got out and started walking. They didn’t say a word all the way, so I just followed them, without questioning what they were doing.

The walk was incredible, the further we walked, the more I realized we were in the heart of pure, uncontaminated land, part of a wild but yet noble nature. The landscape reminded me of primordial Earth.

We arrived at a little village, where the few houses I was able to see were houses on stilts. My friends entered one of these and I followed them. We walked into the entrance hall and there was a man with a wolf dog at his side, welcoming us. It looked like my friends knew him because they greeted him like old friends. The man was in his late-40s, I would say, his skin was caramel, his facial features reminded me of a Native American and his very being oozed confidence and boldness.

When it came my turn to greet him, I stopped a couple of meters from the man. (I need to open a little bracket here: at the age of fourteen I was bitten by a dog, a big one, a Great Dane. Since this experience, I have lived with a fear of big dogs). Basically I stopped because I was afraid of the dog.

I remember my blood freezing when I saw the dog moving closer in my direction. He started sniffing me, and then he opened his mouth and slowly bit my left forearm. In his manner there was no intent of aggression, his bite didn’t hurt me but was determined. I didn’t scream, but I froze on the spot.

His owner called the dog back and he placidly returned to his side. The man smiled at me and said:

You have to be careful, rabies is an illness that can develop over time with some warning signs but it can also linger inside of you, and all of a sudden, erupt with a cruel violence. Don’t ever act like it’s not there, because even if it is silent, it’s still inside you. Be conscious of what you let in.

Then he came towards me, took my hand and showed me the inside of the house. It was small and simple but warm and welcoming at the same time. When we entered the living room, I saw –around thirty-five people waiting for us the people of the village, his tribe. Women started singing and dancing, men were playing instruments, children were everywhere; everyone was smiling and happy as if they were celebrating something. A woman grabbed my hand and took me to the heart of the dance. I danced with them and felt like I was part of this celebration.

I woke up, and still had this warm feeling inside. But to give you all the tools to better understand the true meaning of my dream, you have to know that in Italian the words rabies and anger are the same. When the wise man was explaining rabies and how it can develop to me, in reality, he was referring to anger.

The message was clear. I couldn’t allow anger to get inside of me, because once it is in, sooner or later it will come out. As human being we can become ill of anger, but this is not a wise thing to do. Anger corrupts us, not the person we are angry with, so it digs into our inner being, corroding the good that is inside of us.

I realized that the dream gave me the answer I was looking for, because I truly wanted to understand the true meaning hidden in the event. Life has brought me to a point where I’ve become a reflective person, and, because of this, I don’t feel satisfied if I don’t understand something.

I honestly have to say, I banged my head repeatedly on many walls to arrive at this awareness; in particular, this situation taught me that giving in to anger doesn’t help me, doesn’t get me anywhere. I’ve learnt that if I take responsibility for the knowledge gained, I don’t take this step alone, but in communion with that energy of love I call God. It’s about faith, and even if you can’t touch faith, you can definitely feel it.

Saint Augustine said:

Credo ut intelligam, intelligo ut credam.

That means: I believe to understand and I understand to believe. His message is that our faith should not be artificial and empty but should be coupled with knowledge – the two can go hand in Hand.

Cover-Picture: Patryk Kopaczynski, CC BY-SA 4.0

Credits

Image Title Author License
die_wut Patryk Kopaczynski CC BY-SA 4.0