My First Ever Crush

Our Worlds

Millions of stories, thousands of novels, uncountable poems and unlimited songs have been written to praise the beauty of women, in fact to define their ability to drive men crazy, their lovely arrogance, luring expressions, fascinating styles, attractive looks and breathtaking gestures.

But, until now, no-one has been able to provide a complete description of the beauty of a woman. Regardless of whether the woman was the Mona Lisa, Princess Helena, Queen Guinevere or the obsessive lover, Juliet; people have spent hundreds of years defining the beauty of a woman.

It’s a universal fact that no-one can describe the beauty of a woman but still every man tries to do so, either by writing a letter, a novel or an article or composing a song at one time in his life. Despite billions of unsuccessful attempts to describe the beauty of a woman, here is one more try, one more story.

I would like to tell you a story which happened on May 3rd when I was 16 years old, when I was attending one of the most renowned colleges in Nepal. Actually the college itself is very beautiful, located far from the city amidst very beautiful green fields. If you have to go to that college, you have to pass through these green fields that attract you and your eyes totally.

Two month before, in March, the results of grade 10 were given out and I had passed with flying colours. At that time I used to stay in a hostel and I was also preparing for the entrance exam to join the college level education. The preparation classes took place from 6 am to 8 am. Afterwards I would have my lunch and go to one of the classrooms and sit by the side of one of the windows. From that window we could see the beautiful green fields around the college.

Actually from that window, we could also see the students who attended the school or college. Whenever the college was open or closed, I could go to that window and see the students passing by, especially girls. The whole day, from 9 am to 4:30 pm, I would sit by the side of that window and watch the students. I would do this every day except Saturday and, although I knew this was wrong, I didn’t know why I was doing that.

It was as if there was something pulling me towards that window each day, day by day, every day. I felt as if something was about to come into my life. I felt as if I was missing something. I don’t know if I experienced this because of the person I am or because of my age at the time or because this was what God wanted but something unusual was happening in my life.

The days were passing, I never became tired, my heart was restless, I always went to that window, my eyes searching, my mind was curious and this was the way I was leading my life.

One morning, I was looking out of my college window. The beautiful rays of sunshine were kissing me and I was enjoying them. I was trying to concentrate on the chapter of a book that I was reading. Suddenly, far away in the green fields, I noticed a girl, wearing an informal dress and approaching the college.

I noticed there was something different about this girl. The way she moved, there was divinity in her motion. She moved gracefully and, the gentle wind was blowing her silky soft hair into her smooth face. It looked as if the wind was jealous of me, as if it didn’t want me to see her, as if the wind was also teasing her. I don’t know why, but I felt as if she was coming for me.

It is said that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and for me, she was the goddess of beauty. As she reached the college gate, every head turned towards her and everybody turned to statues with open mouths and big eyes. Everybody stared at her with eyes of feelings, passion and lust. I was totally attracted to this girl who had my full attention. When she came closer to the window where I was sitting, I knew right then and there, this girl was my dream girl. As she approached, I became speechless and also turned into a statue. I could neither move nor blink nor speak.

The girl was very beautiful and very awesome, with her brown curly hair, snow-like skin, dressed in red and black with black high heels, and red glossy lips, round sharp eyes, ears with beautiful earrings and a fantastic figure. I could clearly see two rings on her fingers and the bracelets around the wrist of her right hand. When I saw her, I was overcome with desire, love, feelings, affection and emotions.

I felt as if this girl was born to be my first love, my first crush and my forever soul mate but the girl suddenly disappeared.

After the experience of this day, I spent my time just waiting for the girl, thinking about when she would return from the college gate. I was stretching my neck outside the window to check whether the girl had returned or not. Suddenly, there was a loud sound: “tak tak tak”. The sound of highheels? The sound appeared to becoming towards my classroom, where I was sitting.

I pricked up my ears and then I remembered the girl and wondered if she was coming toward my preparation classroom. Now, my heart was beating very fast, the sound was getting nearer to me, I could feel beads of sweat on my forehead, I became very nervous and hopeless. Suddenly, the sound stopped and, when I opened my eyes, I saw a girl in front of the door of my classroom and it was the same girl.

Oh my god, how beautiful she was…??? How alluring and how gorgeous she was..???? Her hair, her face, her physique, everything was attractive, mind-blowing.

As she walked into the room, I could feel the aura of her presence everywhere in the room from the last bench where I was sitting. I felt as if I had become a complete man in a complete room. The girl was so stunning that she left me open-mouthed and wide-eyed. I felt as if I was trapped in the web of her beauty. I wished I could whisper in her ear that I loved her and make her mine forever but how..???

She looked at me with eyes filled with curiosity, somehow strangely but it seemed that I was blown by the wind of her beauty. Her face appeared to be as soft as rose petals. Suddenly she asked, “Where is the Principal ….?????? I was in shock; I tried to speak, I tried to reply but all my efforts were in vain. So, I did my best with gestures, tilting my head left and right to say I don’t know and then she turned around and walked away. Her words and voice were so lovely and so sharp like a two-edged sword that would cut anybody’s heart.

At this moment, I felt as if I realized how people fall in love and why they sacrifice themselves in the name of love. She was like an angel; for me, she was the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

When she walked away, I wished that I could go with her, walk side by side with her, hear just her and watch just her but how could I do this? She was just a stranger for me. I thought that she might come back after meeting the principal and I returned to the window to see her again. But several seconds passed, then minutes and hours but she didn’t return. She left me in a world of dreams and left me with only images in my head. I asked several friends about her but no-one could say where or when she had gone.

She made me her admirer; she made me besotted with her and then disappeared. She gave me unforgettable thoughts and memories. Even today I think that she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.

She is my dream girl whom I can never forget until my last breathe. Years have passed but I still think about her and dream about her. No matter where she has gone, what she might be doing, with whom she might have got engaged, I would still like to tell her that somebody somewhere misses her and dreams about her.

That is why again I say she is my first love, my first crush and my only dream girl whom I can never forget until the day I die.


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